Who I am hates who I've been...

Sometimes life just seems to go by unnoticed. It's like we don't live, we just exist.
I know that I'm not the only person who goes through or has gone through the things I have, but sometimes it seems like everybody else has it put together, with their perfect lives, and their real smiles and happiness. And I'm the only one with this mask on, dying to peel it off, longing to end this inner battle. And no one seems to notice, they look, but that's all, they don't know how I feel or what I'm going through. Sure, everybody questions things sometimes, but I need to know, when will the light shine through? When will the day come after I've been in this constant phase of night for who knows how long? When will that hand reach in and pull me out, & stop me from suffocating from my own philosophies and desires, smothering my flame, my passion, my need to live?
I need that hand, I need that light, the true light, not a speck of ray from a flashlight, or a lighter, but one from the Son...