I am weary of holding it in...

I saw us on fire,
burning from the inside,
deep within.
A fire that couldn't be contained,
one that could never be put out.
There we stood,
arms raised,
bodies swaying,
tongues wagging wildly as our voices rose,
tears running...streaking down our faces.
Our hearts, the objects on fire,
went from crimson to pure,
as pure as ever.
Blood flowed over them...His blood,
and every stain was gone.
I watched as the fire started to spread,
we became transparent, as our whole bodies caught on fire,
it seemed to be burning brighter and brighter,
in the shape of our silhouettes,
wherever we went,
a little piece of someone else caught on fire.
We couldn't hide it,
we couldn't contain it,
we didn't want to.
How could we keep this to ourselves??
This fire was our life source,
without it we fell to the ground;
Breathing...but not.
Living...a lie.
Beating...of false hearts...filled with false love.
We couldn't move,
our hands stayed at our side,
until...
Gasps...for the last breath of air,
our hands reached out and grasped at nothing...
and we were gone.
Without this fire we were cold, made of stone...
How can we keep this to ourselves??


"..But if I say,
'I will not mention Him, or speak anymore in His name,'
His word is in my heart like a fire,
a fire shut up in my bones.
I am weary of holding it in,
Indeed I cannot..."

Jeremiah 20~9

I will waste my life...

"A woman's heart should be so lost in God, that a man must be seeking the Lord to find it..."
I've seen and heard this statement a lot, 2 or 3 times today alone, and it took me awhile to comprehend it. How can our hearts be that lost in God? How possible is it? I thought about it and still am pondering it, because the thought completely blows my mind...How my heart, the heart of a sinner, the heart of a liar & a thief, can be so wanted and desired by the Creator of the universe, by the Maker of all matter and time, of life, & beating hearts...by God, my God. Just the thought of Him being jealous for me, leaves me awestrucken. When I think about it, it leaves me breathless...no one else can steal my heart the way He does, and no one ever will, no one else can make my heart skip a beat when I think about their love. Tests and trials will come, and we as mere humans fail those tests sometimes, and even though we do, God never looks down on us or stops loving us the way man does sometimes, who else would endure all Jesus did, the way He did because of that overwhelming love for us? The love of God is perfect...is pure...is true, it never fails.



"...I will waste my life I'll be tested and tried,
With no regrets inside of me to find I'm at Your feet.

I'll leave my father's house and I'll leave my mother,
I'll leave all I have known and I'll have no other.

I am in love with You There is no cost,
I am in love with You There is no loss,
I am in love with You I want to take Your name,
I am in love with You I want to cling to You Jesus,
Just let me cling to You Jesus.

I'll say goodbye to my father my mother,
I'll turn my back on every other lover and
I'll press on, yes I'll press on..."

He is jealous for me...

Holding my hand, holding me up.
You said You would never leave me.
I trust You, my God,
You're still here, even after everything I've done,
after I left You; You still cared.
You were still there.
You are still here.
You never left.
You knew my heart,
even when I didn't want to know Yours....

If grace is an ocean, then we're all sinking...

I just got back from one of the best weeks of my life.
I got there expecting the same ol', same ol' as every year, but when camp actually started and we had our first worship service...I was amazed at how much God wants us to praise Him and how jealous He is for our attention and love, and that if we seek Him, we'll find Him when we truly look for Him and for His heart.
I learned that last week, and when I let everything go and gave it all to Him, I felt this overwhelming love I haven't felt for a long time, and this peace that had been a void in my life for longer than I can remember, before I had it, I would ask people what it felt like to have peace, and if it made them feel free, and I'd be envious because they would have it and I didn't, and after last week, I can say that I truly know what it's like and how great it feels.
To know that He loves us, and how much He does love us, that His grace is abounding, no matter the stupid things we've done, He's forgiving and kind. He is jealous for me....He is jealous for you...


We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking...