Saturday, May 31, 2008

Who I am hates who I've been...

Sometimes life just seems to go by unnoticed. It's like we don't live, we just exist.
I know that I'm not the only person who goes through or has gone through the things I have, but sometimes it seems like everybody else has it put together, with their perfect lives, and their real smiles and happiness. And I'm the only one with this mask on, dying to peel it off, longing to end this inner battle. And no one seems to notice, they look, but that's all, they don't know how I feel or what I'm going through. Sure, everybody questions things sometimes, but I need to know, when will the light shine through? When will the day come after I've been in this constant phase of night for who knows how long? When will that hand reach in and pull me out, & stop me from suffocating from my own philosophies and desires, smothering my flame, my passion, my need to live?
I need that hand, I need that light, the true light, not a speck of ray from a flashlight, or a lighter, but one from the Son...

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

My tongue dances behind my lips...

There are so many oppourtunities each and every day to open up our mouths and speak, whether it's a wise decision or not.
We can live through everyday and speak what's on our mind, what's in our hearts, what we feel, what we don't. We were given that ability to speak aloud our thoughts, & our dreams. But something that goes along with this miraculous ability, that most of us seem to forget, is learning how to control out tongues, because I myself am a prime candidate for speaking what's on my mind, when it just isn't necessary. My words have hurt people, sometimes on purpose and sometimes inadvertantly, but because I didn't think before I spoke, I forgot how much power my words had and these people were shocked at the jabs I would take at them or others, and I truly didn't realize I was being a jerk, it was just speaking what I felt they or others should know. Now I realize that my words can hurt, scar, damage, insult people and I try not to be the kind of person people don't want to talk to for fear I'll say something mean and make myself look and sound like an ass. It's hard, especially since what's in the heart comes out of the mouth, and that's where it starts, that's where the work needs to be done. In the heart, when your heart is clean and pure, then your words will be...

Monday, May 26, 2008

Goodnight Sweetheart, the Stitches Are Coming Apart...

"I have fought many windmills, and chased after wind. I've clasped my hands around nothing again and again...Nothing in this world has lasted or put hope in my heart, the stitches have unraveled and are coming apart..."
-Showbread

The warmth of Your embrace...

Do you ever have those days where it just seems like it will never end, and it's been so hectic and mind numbing that you feel your head could explode at any second? Well, for me, that's what this whole month has been like...Overwhelming. Tiring. Endless. It's been a constant struggle to get the fake plastered smile off my face and put on a real one. Why do we have those days? Weeks? Months? Years? What takes away from our lives and leaves us with this? How are we supposed to cope with these things when it feels like no one is there? The question I need most answering to is this; When will the darkness break, and the light shine through and settle on my face? Allowing me to see everything so clearly, instead of leaving me with this feeling of dangling from a string, like I'm grasping at air and no one's hand is there to pull me up.